A couple of weeks ago, some friends of mine had gone for a spoon bending class  here (Singapore) and they came back to show off their spoons. At that point I started believing that if they could do it, I could too!

And this morning I got an email from Pete that we will be doing spoon-bending at the next coach training. I expect to be elsewhere during that time, so I figured let me bend spoons this morning!

I’m not new to energy & self-hypnosis … but I am relatively new to meditation. So when I googled “spoon bending”, I was hoping to find some sleight of hand or trick for doing this.

Instead, I stumbled upon this site … and the instructions seemed easy enough. And then I saw this video - that really got me pumped up! It was the first hour of my awakening in the morning, so I decided that today … instead of meditation, I’m going to bend spoons!

I’ve read reports that people weren’t able to do it without the company of other “believing’ people … but I guess it’s all about belief. I’m really pumped up and pretty sure I can do it … and after meditating for about 30 seconds and mentally chanting “Bend Bend Bend”, I was able to bend the spoons!

(Although I haven’t yet tried it in front of other disbelieving people … that’s an experiment for another day!).

Like someone in the forums said, the spoon didn’t bend by itself. I still had to put force to bend it … but it was easy … it became softer (like rubber) for a few seconds.

It was only first time, so I started with two spoons - one thin and one thick. When I started, I could only bend the thin one about 90 degrees. The second time, when I had fine-tuned my bending routineI hadn’t been able to bend it without meditation. It definitely did feel much softer, like it wasn’t steel but something else.

My Strategy for spoon bending is as follows:

My strategy is only slightly different from the one at mind-energy.net … I guess I customized it knowing myself. But I’m pretty sure it will work for you.

• Take a bunch of spoons and “feel” which ones will bend (Yeah, I know it sounds cooky, but I did it anyway. I don’t think it made a huge difference, I could’ve bent any one of them).
• Before you begin, try to bend the spoon by brute force. You won’t be able to do much (unless its a really skinny spoon). This is important so that you can be amazed by your own power later.
• Make sure you watch the video above, so you know what happens to the spoon. That will help form the visualization pictures in your head.
• Gently have a conversation with the spoon - and say “You Will Bend For Me”. Really believe it (shouldn’t be that hard to believe after the video).
• Start meditating/deep breathing. As you breathe in, imagine the energy from the universe going through you and collecting in the form of a golden ball on the top of your head.
• Breathe deeper. Start rubbing the spoon at the point you want to bend it (best to start with the point between the handle and valley).
• With every breath, continue to imagine the golden ball growing and say to the spoon - You will bend for me.
• Continue this deep breathing for about 30 deep breaths. Make them faster and more energetic towards the final 15.
• Then stop for a second. Look away. Look back at the point you’ve chosen. Imagine the golden ball of energy shooting in a straight line to the point you’ve chosen.
• Say out loud “Bend! Bend! Bend!” and start bending the spoon. It will become softer like rubber.
• It really will be softer, it’s okay to use force to bend it, remember to be in an energetic trance state and command the spoon to bend.
• If it’s your first spoon, it will probably just bend a little bit. That’s okay, you bent a spoon! Now do it again and twist it this time.

Here are the pictures from my first time:

If anyone reading this decides to try this … or has something to say, please leave a comment!

Look at the image below - is the dancer turning clockwise? or anti-clockwise?

As the link says, people who see the dancer turning clockwise are using more of their right brain. If you’re using the dancer turning anti-clockwise, you’re using more of the left brain.

You can make a conscious effort to change the direction of the dancer (I closed my eyes and imagined the dancer going the other direction … when I opened my eyes, the dancer changed direction to anti-clockwise) … but the first instinct of the dancer’s direction is probably a good bet.

So, what does it mean if you’re right brain or left brain?

Both sides of the brain control different sides of our personality. If you have to narrow it down - Right brain is creativity … Left brain is logic.

If you wanna break it down … this graphic should explain things for you …

Using this knowledge in real life …

I first learnt the concept of right-brain and left-brain while spending time with Adam Khoo … here’s a guy who learnt this concept of whole-brain-learning, mind maps and speed reading and applied it all through his life.

And so I learnt that our left brain is the one that control logic and analytics. And all through our life and education system (school, college), we focus on building our skills for the left brain.

But our right brain is the “holistic” learning centre. It is in charge of creativity, feeling, fantasy, possibility … and we need to make an extra effort to train it in order to get the most out of our lives.

Since the time I learnt about this concept, I have been training both sides of my brain and I must say I’m more satisfied with my thinking now. When I need to be analytical, I’m much better at making strategies. When I need to be creative, I’m much better at feeling and dreaming possibilities.

In fact, this last weekend I was coaching the Patterns of Excellence program … and I noticed how much better participants learnt because we stimulated both sides of the brain (with activities, self-learning, pictures etc). I’ve also seen it before at kids education programs where whole-brain learning is encouraged.

(By the way, if anyone is interested in improving the productivity of your career and holistic life … or for getting your children better at studying and performing in school/university … then contact me for details. I have been organizing these kind of programs for a while now and give you more details).

Anyway, the moral of the story is that you have to train both sides of your brain. The next time you need to study better, stop staring at the words - draw pictures and doodle - they’ll help your learning. Or the next you need a solution for a problem, stimulate your right-brain with some activities to invoke thought!

Take care of both your brain

For the past 4 years I’ve been having an on-and-off affair.

There are moments when I’m attracted to her. (It’s usually when things are going bad with my regular love … then we experiment for a while and give “us” a shot).

Initially, she manages to dazzle me. Every time, she comes across with some new bells & whistles …

But after a while, I start noticing the flaws.

• Like how it is to understand her …
• She never likes to try out new things …
• Always has to be different from my alternatives …

After four years, I’m ready to call it quits …

It’s not a girl on my mind.

It’s not a boy either (seriously you guys, you have to think of better jokes in your head … no no, the other head ).

It’s something that’s a lot closer to my heart … my computer’s operating system.

I’ve been using some form of Windows since 1991 … that 15 year relationship can really give you moments when you wonder - “Do I deserve better than this?”

And those are the moments, when Linux steps in and offers something more attractive looking.

• Linux is free!! (Never underestimate the pain of parting with $200 for buying a new copy of Windoze …)
• Linux is geeky … being a tech entrepreneur, writer and geekhead … there’s a certain charm in getting to conquer the geekiest of operation systems …
• I’ve been testing it for years, and it’s gotten easier and easier to set up …
• The new Ubuntu Linux is probably the best looking Operating System out there … in my view, nicer than Mac OS X and Windows Vista …

A particular dire set of circumstances, started the affair this time …

A few months ago, my desktop died. I don’t really know why … I even had some chap at Sim Lim cheat me out out of $150 to diagnose and fix a non-existent problem. In any case, I couldn’t quite figure it out.

So I bought a new hard disk. Slotted it in. Bought a new graphics card. Slotted it in. The photo below is me trying to get my hardware to work (not that kind of hardware … I meant computer hardware … you naughty naughty girl).

Then I couldn’t find my original windows CD. I couldn’t even find the pirated CDs I used to keep in college.

So my choice was two-fold:

1. Spend $200 to get a copy of Vista from Sim Lim
2. Test my luck with Linux

Usually I lean towards buying Windows and getting it over with. I’ve tried Linux every now and then … and it’s just too painful to start using.

But in this case, coincidentally, my laptop was undergoing some bad spyware/virus issues. And I was exceedingly pissed because even after spending $75 a year on OneCare Live - Microsoft’s lame attempt at an anti-virus + anti-spyware … my computer had been infected.

So, to refuse handing over my S$200 to Bill Gates’ wealth, I decided to spend $0 and all my patience in trying to make Linux work.

Like I Said … Things With Ubuntu Linux Started Out Real Well …

I popped in the Ubuntu Live CD … and I booted my computer. And wallah! it worked!

(Actually things weren’t that smooth. My new hard disk was SATA and my old hard disk was IDE. And I had to play with my BIOS for several days … to bring a climax to the problem. Yeah, it sounds real kinky. But I’ll save you the technical details and skip to the fun part).

Nevertheless, so Ubuntu Linux booted up … looking clean, gorgeous and fast.

I immediately liked what I saw:

• Most major applications I needed were already there (OpenOffice, Mozilla Firefox, a basic media player, automatic updates)
• It automatically recognized my external hard disk! In the past, “mounting” external devices was a pain in Linux (yes, I’m aware of the sexual connotations of the phrase)
• Networking automatically worked. For my desktop, it worked with Internet almost immediately. For my laptop (in the past), it had worked with wireless quite seamlessly too.
• With Mozilla and OpenOffice installed - I could do my most critical tasks - check mail, read news and edit presentations.
• It looked pretty damn nice. I love the “human” theme … (apparently that’s what the word Ubuntu means in Swahili, the south African language)

So, I thanked the heavens that I was back in touch with the world (over the virtual web, of course).

But slowly, it dawned upon me … that many of my needs weren’t being met

• None of my movies or music would work. Apparently mp3, wma, divx, avi are all protected file formats … so installing codecs would be illegal. Took me hours to find and download the right codecs to play my 200GB of movies!
• I couldn’t use so many of my fancy hardware devices - my windows mobile PDA-phone, my portable scanner, my external sound card etc etc
• Software installation is quite a pain. There’s a known repository of software that will install the windows way (download setup files and then install) … for everything else, there’s a whole bunch of command line tweaking required.
• The damn thing can’t recognize screen resolution properly. On my laptop, it stretched a 1024×768 resolution on my widescreen. On my desktop, I had to go find custom drivers by ATi (my graphics card manufacturer) to enable my 1280×1024 resolution on my LCD.
• All my regular Internet Marketing applications wouldn’t work! My web design, graphic design, adwords editor, email client etc etc … and that’s really mission critical to me …

The above screenshot shows the kind of web design and graphic design work I have to do in windows … and when you’ve spent 3-4 years getting used to the interface of one application … switching over is real hard.

But those same applications don’t seem to work in Linux. Now, I’m a resilient guy and so I thought I’d make do with open source alternatives instead …

• Instead of Adobe Dreamweaver, I decided to try Nvu. Actually I’ve used it before … it’s okay, but no match for Dreamweaver
• I thought I’d try GIMPshop (a copy of Photoshop) … instead of Adobe Fireworks, my regular graphics design app.
• I tried to use OpenOffice Presentation to replace MS Office Powerpoint … but OpenOffice is no match there (on the other hand, the OpenOffice word document can stack up very well against MS Word)
• I didn’t know which BitTorrent client to use. And because Linux downloads everything from their servers, their servers are super slow … so half the applications wouldn’t install.
• I even tried this thing called Wine - it’s a way of running windows applications on Linux. I got some of my appz to install properly … but they didn’t run right.
• Somebody on a forum recommended that I install Windows as a virtual desktop … great idea jackass … if I’m spending $200 on buying windows, then I’d want to use it properly. Not spend my efforts getting used to Linux.

But those open source applications just don’t do all that I need … I am working on a new product that is a series of educational videos. So, the content for the product had to be done in presentation format.

I tried switching over to OpenOffice … but it’s just too hard to use. Instead, when I moved back to MS Powerpoint, life seemed easy again … simple things like text resizing and font setup are a lot more intuitive here.

Then, the final straw came when even Linux started throwing the blue-screen of death at me.

In the middle of things, it would hang and die. In all fairness, I probably don’t know how to configure it right. Or it could be the fault of my hardware. But I don’t care … all I want from an Operating system is an easy learning curve.

Ubuntu Linux is a commendable step forward …

I’ve seen Linux over the years, and it has matured tremendously. For home users, who only need to see movies, browse the web and check email … it’s as good as Windows.

I particularly love the Ubuntu distribution of Linux … it looks beautiful … and it has a Live CD (so you can run the OS off the CD without messing up your existing installations) … and it can even install as a software inside of
Windows (try Wubi … it’s a risk free way of trying Linux without messing up windows).

But it’s not good enough for Advanced Users …

But it won’t do it for advanced users. If Dell sold a desktop bundled with Ubuntu, I’d feel confident giving it to my grandma. But the learning curve to do important things is just too much for me.

So if you need to pick up a new skill (let’s say photo editing, web design), then try an open source alternative. If you can learn them on one platform, you can use them anywhere …

• Use Mozilla Firefox for browsing the web. It looks the same across Windows, Mac & Linux
• Use OpenOffice for office applications. The Word processor is awesome. The Powerpoint & Excel alternatives are just OK. But its FREE.
• Use Nvu for web editing. If you’re just beginning, it may be good enough for you and its cross-platform.
• Use GIMPshop for photo editing.
• Use Inkscape for vector & graphic editing.
• Use Ubuntu as a secondary operation system. Install it within windows and get used to it … before you switch.

For working professionals, who focus on something special … don’t bother unless you have a lot of patience and free time. Test these software on a secondary computer in your free time … they have the potential to mess up my livelihood.

So, my advice to anyone who’s very comfortable with Windows - don’t switch.

Yes, it costs extra money to buy Windows, Office, Dreamweaver, Photoshop etc … But if you’re already adept at using those things, those extra 1000 dollars are well worth it. They will save hundreds of hours of re-learning and frustration later on.

I knew it wasn’t coming to Singapore any time soon, but I figured I could spend some time on the Apple.com.sg site and get my fix on some other apple products instead.

When I first went in there, I noticed a box at the bottom that said iLife ‘08 - A Guided Tour

Hell, I’m lusting so much after iPhone that I’ll take anything with an “i” in front of it … so I click the damn button.

And then the introductory video opens up … except, it’s not for ILife ‘08 … it’s for iPhone!

(I’ve zoomed into the relevant portions of the above page to prove my point … the logo says “iLife ‘08″ … and the video is for the iPhone!

So, is Apple.com.sg getting ready to announce the iPhone? Is that why an extra iPhone introductory video is roaming around the Apple Singapore website?

Who knows … I sure hope so. I’m eating bread & Jam from now until next year, just so I can afford an iPhone!

Anyway, go watch the video in Small, Medium or Large size here.

Some of us want $$$. Others want love/sex. Still others want health & happiness. And we all work hard to keep getting better and better.

Some of us read books, exchange our lessons with other junkies. Others go to events, put the lessons into practice and experience the transformations in seminars. Some people even get guidance to conquer their biggest challenges and get personal coaching for breaching new boundaries.

No matter what medium you use to get the knowledge for personal development, there are times when you need to understand yourself. Your own desires. Your own needs. Your own definition of success.

Over the past few months, as I’ve taken my understanding of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) to a new level, I’ve also begin to learn & make my own models.

The Answer Lies In Models

NO NO NO… not that kind of model! Stop thinking about hot, scantily clad, begging models …

You, twisted, naughty mind …

By model, I meant a systemized way of thinking. Of analyzing our thoughts.

A model is a system of analyzing results and following instructions to get certain expected results.

Yeah, I know … it sounds like its just out of a Freudian textbook. But stick with me here … Knowing and using these models has helped me completely turn my thinking around.

In fact, most successful people that I know … understand these models very well. And if they find such a model useful, they make it a point to apply it to their lives.

Why Do You Need To Know These Models?

Seriously, that’s a valid question. Why delve into a theoretical understanding of human perception and behaviour. After all, all we really want is to help ourselves (self-coaching) and help others (coaching), right?

So, here are some scenarios where these models will be useful. In a future post, I’ll talk in detail about how to apply these models and get results in your or a client’s life.

• Progressing faster at your work/school
• Seducing more women or Meeting the one of your dreams
• Seeing & feeling real results as your health improves
• Becoming more creative, spontaneous and better at problem solving
• Gaining the respect of others and yourself
• Coaching someone to change their behaviour
• Changing your own behaviour
• Understanding why you are happy or unhappy on certain days
• Figuring out the missing pieces that will make your life seem “complete”
• Understanding other people’s model of the world
• Knowing why your friends/partners/family members behave in certain ways
• Reframing to yourself and others around you for a more positive life

With that in mind, let’s begin looking at these models.

Model 1:
Analyze The Balance In Your Life

I first learnt of this model while studying successful seducers. I found that there were some Casanovas who could very easily charm & bed women. But they were never really happy.

And there was another class of people who weren’t so flashy in their seduction achievements. But they seemed happier, more congruent and more well balanced.

As I dug deeper, I found that this next model was central to their lives. The self-analysis model basically states that

• Health - I’ve discovered that when people don’t have control over their health, or they’re sick … nothing else matters and they can’t enjoy anything else.
• Wealth - After health, the next essential life area is wealth & security. Without a bed to sleep on, even the most satisfying personal relationships don’t seem to make an effect.
• Love - Love from family, friends, romantic relationships and social circle. The acceptance of others around us, and self-love plays a huge part in completing our life and bringing satisfaction.

If you are lacking in any one of these areas, you won’t be able to enjoy the rest to the maximum. So, after you achieve the basic satisfaction in one area, achieve a balance in the others.

That will lead to long-lasting changes.

Model 2:

Understand Your Own Needs

Desires & satisfaction need to happen on several different levels. Usually, we need to achieve our lower levels of needs before we desire the higher ones.

1. Physiological: You need to be breathing, have food, water, sex, sleep, cleanliness in order to feel satisfied on the first level. Once you’re there, you’ll find yourself desiring the next
2. Safety: After you find yourself alive, the natural instinct is to desire safety of these resources (safe body, safe health, safe family, safe home). Typically, the first two levels are satisfied
3. Love: Once your body & mind is safe, you’ll desire something greater. In the environment, the desire for acceptance takes precedence.
4. Esteem: After your environment is settled and you have the comfort of a good family/friends/partner, the next challenge is gaining the respect of yourself and others.
5. Self-Actualization: Finally, when all other needs are met, then we begin to desire more … above our current achievements … and internal capabilities. This includes creativity, morality & skills.

These levels are usually true. In most cases, we need the lower levels first, before we need the higher levels. For example, most of us need food & a roof over our heads … before we begin to worry about self-esteem.

But if you can become aware of this hierarchy of needs, then you have much more control of it. You can be aware that your self-esteem need may be fulfilled even before you have food to eat!

Model 3:
Analyze Your Problems & Solutions

The neurological levels (in NLP) are a way to analyze problems and solutions.

Let’s say you have a problem - You’re unable to clean your office properly (happens to me a lot!). This problem can be analyzed on the “Behaviour” level. My behaviour is not up to the standard.

So, how do I solve this problem?

The trivial solution would be to say - “Let me change my behaviour to start cleaning”.

But Albert Einstein said that a problem can never be solved on the same level it was created … and I think there’s a lot of truth to that. So, if my problem is on the behaviour level, my solution should be on the environment, capability, belief, identity or mission level …

Possible solutions to the problem of not cleaning enough …

• Change my office and the people around me (environment). That’ll make the behaviour automatically change as the old behaviour can’t survive in the new environment.
• Learn the skill of keeping things organized (capability). The preferred behaviour is just part of the whole capability now.
• Figure out and believe that clean, organized people are always more successful (belief). This will force a change down the other levels.
• See myself as a clean & organized person (identity). Once I have such a strong, clean identity … if I remain untidy, it will be very incongruent. And this incongruence will cause more pain than the task of actually cleaning up.

Makes sense?

Next Steps …

For starters, take a moment to answer the following 3 questions:

1. When it comes to the health-wealth-love balance … does your life have the perfect balance? Are you doing enough to get that balance?
2. Do you understand Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? If you were to pick your top 3 desires today, which need level would they fall under?
3. Select the largest challenge you face in your life today. Which neurological level does it fall under? Can you think of solutions that span other neurological levels?

If something in this article touched a particular nerve, just post a comment about it (feel free to mask out sensitive details from your own life).

Any discussion in area is always a fruitful discussion!

I’ll tell you in a minute - but before that, let me give you some great news!

Something that I’ve been working towards, for two years … has finally happened. It required over 600 hours of work, coaching, classes, projects and I’ve achieved my goal ….

I’m now a Master Practitioner Of NLP!

Okay, most of you won’t know what that is - so let me explain for just a sentence or two.

• NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming
• NLP is a science of self-development. It’s a study of how to perform better.
• NLP is similar to psychology in that both are a way to understand the human psyche.
• NLP’s primary concept is based on modeling - If you see someone performing well in an area, their performance can be modeled down to every gesture and every effect

Anyway, this finally opens up a whole bunch of new avenues for me in the following areas - Marketing methodologies, Life coaching, Hypno Therapy, Motivational & Educational training etc ….

There’s a lot to say, and I’m in a bit of a hurry … but I just dropped this note to say the following …

I’m back in the blogging scene!

Yep, for those of you who liked to read my writings … you’ll be happy to know that I’m going to be getting back to my blogs (Rachit.org for personal & self-development articles … and RachitDayal.com for Marketing articles).

more to come …

Just today, I was checking out the wikipedia entry for NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) … and I was shocked at the amount of controversy it has generated! Lovers and haters of NLP viciously vandalize the encyclopedia entry just to prove their point.

I love that program. And I love the idea of having experiences that accelerate our development as persons. In fact, for the past two years, I’ve been going back to this program as a coach - guiding and helping other people get more out of their lives.

But I also know that the whole self-development circuit attracts a lot of flak and many people are instantly turned off by it. And I don’t often understand why. But I would like to start a discussion and see where that takes us … maybe some readers have comments on the topic?

Let’s Begin With POE - Whoosh 23!

Last weekend was the 23rd edition of the POE program. As usual I was down there to coach. But my role in the coaching team has changed a lot … whereas in the past, I used to coach participants directly … these days, I coach very few participants.

I guess it’s got to do with the lack of challenge. The coaching team and its newer members has raised their standard such that I’m not required for most participants. I only need to step in to work with the people with the most complex challenges.

As usual, this POE was a whole lot of fun. Again, I was reminded that this program is designed so beautifully … I’ve never seen another program cover so much stuff and teach so many things in such a practical sense.

Of course, very few ppl in Singapore can match Adam & Stuart as trainers … the way they mix motivation, humor & learning into their training style is pretty amazing.

Watching A Friend, Allowed Me To Reflect On My First Time …

It was also strange … because for the first time in a long time, one of my close friends was attending the program. Like a good coach, I kept myself away from him (The other coaches took good care of him).

But it did give me a chance to reflect on the program. To remember what it was like my first time … when I attended this program and what I felt.

When I signed up for this program was in mid 2005. I was one semester away from graduation. Although I knew I wanted to be an entrepreneur … I wasn’t quite sure of much beyond that.

And so when Adam & Stuart gave a free 2 hour seminar on the Principles/Patterns of Extraordinary people … I gladly signed up. Honestly, I’m not much of a skeptic … I thought the 2 hour preview was pretty awesome … so I coughed up all my life savings into the whole seminar (8 days = 2 modules).

The month after that I showed up for module 1 of the course. For the next four days, we had trainings, games and so much stuff that my mind was blown away.

Although I did have some worldly experience (by that point, I had pretty much traveled the world and lived away from home for 4 years) … I had never imagined picking up the information I was getting now.

Specifically, I remember returning to the “real world” and imparting my new-found knowledge to my friends. Day, after day … I would take them out to lunch and share the tidbits I learnt … that I thought will benefit their life.

They were all excited as I shared the new stuff with them … I’m sure some of it stuck to their mind.

But Motivation Is Also Frowned Upon

Let’s be honest - we’ve all done it. Mocked our friends who paid thousands of dollars to attend motivational seminars. Mock the “gurus” who teach these success principles.

And I’ve faced a fair bit of that. Initially, my friends didn’t say much … they figured this poor guy spend a grand getting sucked into a seminar.

But when I started going back to coach at this program - for no money - just to help other people … The underlying tension was even stronger than I thought. People mildly disliked it when I paid money for self-development … but they REALLY disliked it when I helped such a program for free - like I’d been sucked into a cult.

Many people I know regard the whole motivation / self-development market as a group of cults. Of teachers who artificially hype up the lives of students. Teach them things that they don’t really need to know. And rob them of money they don’t really have.

And students are thought of as suckers. Just like people who go to psychologists for therapy … participants who go for coaching/motivation are thought of as sorry figures who need help.

Let’s call these people the criticizers.

Yet, People Swear By These Programs

Me, included. A lot of people I know get immensely turned on by the prospect of paying for their education beyond college.

Going for self-development programs, money-making programs, buying books, joining personal coaching … or even low-cost alternatives like joining Toastmasters clubs to get more public speaking practice …

Why? I guess there’s an underlying belief that this is the missing piece of the puzzle … once they attain this, success is inevitable.

The good part is that belief helps a lot of people. They tend to get into a much better mindset for attaining the results they want. And more importantly, they make the decision to set themselves apart - to stand out from the crowd with their achievements.

The bad part is that often, people forget that knowledge is just knowledge. Even with the best knowledge, 90% of the challenge is actually taking action and attaining results … not basking in the warmth of good knowledge.

Let’s call these people the participants.

So, who’s right?

The criticizers are correct to an extent. Not everyone needs such a program … and often, the cost of these programs is highly overstated. And since many of these businesses rely on word-of-mouth to sell more seminars, the participants often end up blowing their own horns.

And the criticizers are wrong to an extent. The mindset of not actively improving can’t be a permanent one … because the end result of that will be mediocrity. By adopting these mindsets, the participants are taking action to stand out - and standing out will always lead to some criticism.

But one of the fundamental principles I follow is to avoid judgement.

And so the right answer depends is “It Depends” … What’s your gut feel?

Are you repulsed by the idea of self-development?

Of paying for seminars? Of having desires that seem far away from reality?

If you are, then go with your gut feel. Just don’t fall into the mindset of mediocrity … there’s no wrong in wanting to excel in your field. And just because things don’t always go according to plan … it’s no excuse for not having any goals at all.

And most importantly, allow a little graciousness when you judge other people who believe in self-development. That belief has the power to give them the resources they need. Maybe they need something you don’t … to the best of your abilities, support them and trust that they can make their own decisions & learn their own lessons.

Or do you love the idea of self development?

Love going to seminars? Buying books? Picking up knowledge?

If you are, then go with your gut feel. If you believe that always collecting more knowledge is critical to your growth, then continue doing that.

But be gracious while dealing with criticism. Maybe your friends don’t need the resources they do. Maybe there will be a time in the future when they look for the same answers they do. In any case, use your NLP skills to built rapport - not pick up fights.

And definitely don’t fall into the “junkie” mindset. Even with the best “knowledge”, “strategies” and “secrets” … 90% of success is pure hard work. Be ready to put in that effort if you desire the results.

I know this is more of an entry, than a journalistic article … but if you think you have something valuable to add to this discussion, then do leave a comment below

The Story Of The Old Businessman Who Couldn’t Handle It

This is the story of a guy named James Duwell, I read many years ago. As far as I remember, he used to run a very successful family business in Pennsylvania all his life. The business was based on distributing oil or gas to large suppliers.

All his life, the business seemed to go well. And his life kept in balance and all seemed to be going well.

Then the great economic depression of 1929 happened.

Overnight, the business went downhill. When the depression first hit, people didn’t know it was for the long term … and they kept hoping things would get better.

But things didn’t get better. For James Duwell, life was not good. Almost overnight, all his business was wiped out. He had some assets to survive … but he had gotten used to a certain quality of life.

He just couldn’t imagine life without his successful business. Although he would survive, he just didn’t know what to do when his life was shaken up so much.

Little by little, worry started to take over his life. At first, he felt less energetic. As the weeks passed, he could barely walk without support. A few more weeks out, he was bedridden. He had blisters all over his body and ulcers inside his body.

And of course, he couldn’t drink. And he couldn’t eat.

And one day, the doctor came up and told him - “You have two weeks to live”.

Two weeks. And then the big bright light.

Is This What Life Had Come To?

It suddenly hit James what had become of him. And when it seemed like there was nothing more to life, he decided he had had enough.

If he was going to die, it wasn’t going to be lying in bed … writhing in pain.

The next day, he announced - I’m going to travel the world. If I’m going to die, it is going to be doing fun in strange new lands.

Of course, all his friends and family thought it was a crazy idea. If it was his time to go, he should just accept it and go.

But he still went ahead. Within a week, he was on a ship to the Orient (that’s what they called South East Asia in those days). He’d even made arrangements for a coffin to be present on the ship, in case he died.

But the minute the ship sailed and left the Port of New York … he started feeling better.

The company of vigorous people gave him back his energy.

The salt of the sea air seemed to take away his sickness.

And all that motion and movements even gave him his appetite back!

Soon, he was eating all kinds of strange oriental treats … Imagine that, this man who was supposed to be dead that week, was feeling vigorous and living life again!

What To Do When Everyone Else Pronounces You Dead …

The next time, you lose the very taste of life
Do something crazy do something fun,
Even if you can’t swallow, just for the heck of … “bite”
Wear your right shoe on your left foot, and your left shoe on your right

When life gets you down, and your book doesn’t sell,
Do something crazy, do something fun,
If your day job doesn’t work, do something different at night,
Wear your right shoe on your left foot, Your left shoe on your right …

(Part 2 of 3 … to be concluded in 2 days)

It stemmed from my own experience last weekend, where I took an impromptu visit to Malaysia. At 11PM at night, I took a bus to JB bus stop. Found the next bus to Kuala Lumpur. And wasted one crazy day in a new city before returning back on another bus I took on a whim.

It was fun to be spontaneous. It was fun to be crazy. And it spiced my boring life up a lot.

That that experience made me think of the lesson I’d learnt from this. The kind of advice I could give to everyone. It was a long speech so I’ll break it up into three parts.

Here’s Part 1 … I hope you enjoy it

The Story Of The Young Writer Who Did Something Crazy …

There was once a young writer named Cindy Cashman. She was a really bright writer and focussed on self-help books. Her chosen area of self-help was relationships.

Like any good writer, she worked hard and struggled like she was supposed to. Since she had always shown a spark since childhood, she was sure she was meant to do something great.

In the day, she would write great books. In her afternoons, she’d plead with publishers. In the off-chance a book good published, she’d spend her nights doing book tours, signings & promotions.

But things just didn’t take off. As hard as she tried - the normal route wasn’t working for her.

And this went on for over 15 years. In that time, she grew more and more disillusioned of her capabilities. That conversation inside her head grew louder … you know, the one that complains “You’re going down the wrong path. Why are you doing this?”

And as her inner dialogue became more and more vocal, and she couldn’t take it any more - she slammed her hands down the table and said

“Dammit! This can’t be it! It’s time to do something different!!”

And so she did something radical with her book

She decided to write the world’s most outrageous book. She didn’t exactly know what she was doing … but she knew it had to be fun and crazy.

She knew that what she was writing so far was typical … normal … And she had to do something totally different. The difference of day and night. Ying and Yang. Black & White.

After a lot of thinking … she boiled down to the name of the book.

“Everything men know about women”

Wow, that’s a tall ask. How many pages does it take to summarize everything men know about women … ?

The answer = 200. Her book was 200 pages long.

Then, she decided to write it under the pseudo-name of Dr Alan Francis …

Then came the strange part - it was 200 empty pages! She wrote a damn book called “Everything Men Know About Women” and left it empty for 200 page! What an awesome coffee table conversation piece!

Isn’t that the most ridiculous idea you’d ever heard?

Everyone around her told her it was a little cuckoo of her. But she decided to persist down the path of something fun & crazy. Instead of bookstores, she priced the book at $5 and sold it in batches of hundreds to gift shops, where it was likely to be a impulse buy.

That was a totally crazy … And guess what …

It sold over a million copies!

What To Do When Life Gets Ya Down …

So, the next time you’re depressed or confused
Lonely, sad, in a rut or bemused
And your courage has run away to a corner & hid,
Think of what Cindy Cashman did

When life gets you down, and your book doesn’t sell,
Do something crazy, do something fun,
If your normal work smells like day, do something different like night,
Wear your right shoe on your left foot, Your left shoe on your right …

(Part 1 of 3 … to be continued next week)

When this biker chick told me her stories - my mouth was half hanging. Such explicit details! 

(Actually, that might have been the inspiration for the candidness I show in my posts …)

Over time, I kept forgetting to blog about it … and forgot most of them. But here’s my recollection of some of the interesting stuff I wanted to blog about.

Story 1 - She sleeps like a princess

Let me start with a personal story. First one is about her. She’s away from the city in business … so I better blog this now, so she can’t use her pussy cat eyes to make me feel guilty and not share this story.

Now guys, can you relate to this? Do leave comments and let me know …

So, She acts like a princess in bed. Really a princess.

The minute she falls asleep, the whole king sized bed becomes hers!

First off, she’ll start sleeping in the middle of the bed, with me on one side. Then, as she gets cosier … on the pretext of hugging, she’ll roll me over such that both of us are on the last 30% of the bed.

Beyond that point, I don’t know how she does it, but eventually I end up with half my body hanging out of my bed. And after she’s fast asleep … I slowly extract myself from the bed … walk over to the other side and enjoy the remaining 80% of the bed.

Not for long though. The next time my eyes open, she will be back on my side … seductively urging me to cuddle. And when I do, again, I wake up on the final 10% of the bed with half my body hanging out

Damn, I feel like a domesticated cat in bed … No matter what I do, she manages to steal the damn bed … Sigh …

Story 2 - Biker Chick’s Date Wants To Make Conversation

This story totally cracked me up with Biker Chick was telling me.

Disclaimer, I can’t remember half this story months from when she told me. Although I think I’m recalling it, I may very well be making most of it up. Never mind, just enjoy the story.

So, Biker Chick once dated a guy for a few weeks. As all young people do, after the third date (I think), things moved into the bedroom.

Slowly, they started making out and things get hot & heavy.

But biker chick notices something weird about her date. Instead of focussing on the carnal pleasures that await, he’s still talking.

No no … not dirty talk. Not naughty talk. Not romantic talk.

Random talk. Talk about the weather. Talk about their days. Talk about their careers.

At this point, I want to find that guy and scream into his ear - “Jeez dude, you’re getting laid - enjoy it while it lasts!”

Anyway, things keep getting heavier. He’s on top. He’s still talking.

She flips him around. Now she’s on top. He’s still making conversation.

She thinks “How do I get him to stop talking! Let me look away from him”.

So, she coaxes him into doggie.

He focusses on the sex part and shuts up. But just for a while. Slowly, he bends over, gets in the position of talking into her ear. And then keeps talking.

At this point, she’s had enough … she … erm … makes him finish up and just wants to go to sleep.

As they lie in bed, he’s still talking!

Finally, she screams at him … tells him that only freaks talk during sex, so don’t do it next time … and only super-freaks talk AFTER sex, so just bloody go to sleep

:D

Rachit was highly amused with this story. He spent the rest of that night visualizing the whole scene.

Story 3 - An Embarrassing Situation For Biker Chick’s Date

So, biker chick and her friends go out to town. They’re dancing and drinking. Eventually, they meet a group of guys.

Conversations happen. Through subtle signals, all the guys and girls pair up and set out to find their own destiny.

Drunk and high, Biker chick and her new date find their way back to her place.

As alcohol does to most people, they start to do the things you see on discovery channel.

It’s dark. They’re high. Nobody really knows what’s going on, but they’re just enjoying the feeling up.

They make out for a while. She loses some clothes. He loses some clothes.

Suddenly, he declares, “I’m going in!”

She turns around, faces her ass-cheeks to him and lets her head rotate as she patiently waits for the inevitable.

As she waits, she can hear him huffing and puffing.

His hips are moving too, back and forth.

He seems to be having a jolly good time.

So, she does what any good woman will do … ask the inevitable question …

…

“Hey, Is it in yet?”

…

Oops. Embarrassing pause. Turns out the date had entered the tunnel of joy long before and was enjoying the ride.

But biker chick didn’t feel anything.

Biker chick freaks out a little - “Damn, Did I just bring notice to his tiny pee pee?”

The dude was visibly a little upset.

Biker chick feigns ignorance and blames the alcohol … and proceeds to make up for the slip of the tongue

Eventually, she has to fake an orgasm to make the little date feel powerful again.

Rachit is just thankful he hung around that fateful night at the Kopitiam to hear and share stories like this.

If you liked the stories, then please comment! It will inspire me to dig out more of these and share them on the blog … he he